How to irritate the guitar repairman in your life.

How to irritate the guitar repairman in your life.

Let's face it. We've all had days where we've sat around just wondering "how can I annoy my guitar repairman?" Well, friends, seek no further, because I've compiled a list of the 10 most effective ways of giving the repairman a migraine. Read on:

1. Ask "Do you fix guitars?" Second only to the classic "Do you work here?", this question is most effective when he's sitting at his work bench bent over a guitar in deep concentration.
2. Ask "How's it going?" right after you witness him breaking off the truss rod in a D-45. For extra points, ask some questions like "So, what was that big snap?" "So, you like broke it?" "So, like, do you think the owner will be like, mad or something?"
3. Conduct amateur repairs, like gluing toothpicks under a loose fingerboard, or grinding frets down to bare wood, before bringing the guitar in for repairs.
4. Assume your instrument is highly valuable. "Be very careful with that. It's a Stradivarius!" or "Be careful! My daddy bought this guitar from Sears in 1974. It must be an antique!"
5. Overstate obvious things like "I want the action as low as I can get it without buzzing when I play it." Duh! Or "I want it tuned up to the right tuning."
6. Constantly assert "I'm a professional, so make sure it sounds good when you're done. I'm a professional, so make sure you do a good job." Most repairmen try to do a good job all the time, so this can be a very effective way to get their goat.
7. Insist on watching while he does the repairs. Whether you're afraid he's going to steal it, destroy it, or you just want to make sure he does it right, you can probably drive him nuts if you stand right behind him and watch his every move. A bonus if he tells you he can't get to it until tomorrow, so you offer to bring it back in.
8. Try to tell him how to do his job.
9. Become impatient. "A neck reset? Next week?!?!?!? But I need to play it NOW!"
10. Attempt to flirt with the repairman in hopes of getting a better deal. Granted, there are some who seem to like it, but in general it's a good way of annoying them, especially if you act like they owe you a discount for no particular reason.

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