When We Cross The Line In Responding To Questions.....

[Hesh Breakstone]

My friends:  For some time now I have been increasingly aware that how I perceive... the responses that I receive from others when posting in threads has been trending negative in my humble opinion.  I might reply in a thread and these days it seems that I am increasingly succeeding, although this was never the goal for me, in offending others.

With this said the very first thing that I want to do is apologize to anyone and everyone who may have been offended by anything that I have posted.  My intent is and was to help all that I can but it seems that these days it may be me who is overstepping and not being as considerate of others as I would wish to be.

Funny thing about this is that of all people I should know better.  Early on I was on the other end of this when veteran pros would attempt to assist me on forums at times I took it personally and instead of focusing on the message, well intended as it may have been, I focused on the delivery....  As time passed my skin thickened up and I actually made it a point of personal growth to attempt to no longer take things so very personally.  Seems as if I may have gone too far to the other side and now may not be recognizing that I am just not the guy that I hope to be when I grow up..... 

I'm aware that I have no control over how my posts or assistance is perceived by others.  I'm also aware that folks at times will take things personally that were never intended this way, I know because I am very guilty of this myself....

But now I am believing that my own approach to others has been less than appropriate and as such I want to remedy this if at all possible.

Maybe too I am just getting old and grouchy not that the two have to go together.

Anyway I did always try to be helpful of others, rarely asked for anything for myself, and very much enjoyed and enjoy many of you.  I also have some real friends here who I would love to hang out with in person and talk shop.

So I am going to take a break for a while from posting.  Seems that I may be doing more harm than good and this was never my intention.  I love Lutherie and have spent nearly every waking hour for over a decade now studying different aspects of our trade.  As such it becomes difficult to not wish to discuss this stuff.

On the other hand the Hesh that I want to be when I grow up some day is a guy who has the ability to assist others, does so frequently, asks for nothing for myself, and most of all never offends anyone in the process.  Seems that I still have some work to do to meet my own criteria.

So my friends I'm still here just not going to post much if at all for a while.  I seem to have placed Lutherie before people, not good..... and I need to fix this or keep to myself.

Please keep on keeping on my friends you do a wonderful job of assisting others and remain the model in my view for how to pull this off in an non-offensive manner.

And again to some of the newer folks who have a hankering to enjoy the pursuit of Lutherie if I have offended you in any way please accept my sincere apology.  Please also know that I am very much an odd duck so-to-speak and as such the recognition, self recognition that I may have and or be the problem seems like some progress although perhaps a little late.

Take care

[Hesh Breakstone]

Here is a huge thanks to you all!  I'm feeling a bit more positive now and you all helped more than you will imagine - Thank You!!!!

I think that I do need to be more careful in the future to not offend anyone though and will most certainly endeavor to do this.

Although it had nothing to do with this forum I was contacted off the forum, another forum and criticized... for some of my comments.  The other person took things personally and looking back although this was never my intent I could have done better....  So that's what I will try to do going forward.

I wanted to add something here about you very good folks if I may please.  FRETS remains the model in my view of civil discourse with the opportunity to be friendly and have fun while learning about Lutherie.  This is because of all of you!  A forum is basically an on-line community and as such it is the content of our community that dictates the value of any forum.

My background is unfortunately... from corporate America and it's been said there countless times that any organization will very much also be a product of it's chief executives.  If the leadership sucks so too likely will the entire organization and vice versa.

Frank is to me not unlike our CEO here at FRETS and he, You Frank have set a tone here that is in my view spot on for the intended purpose and value of the forum.  Along with this very talented group of great people you, we have a winner here.

A huge thanks to Frank and all of the members of FRETS for being just as you are!

Also a very special thanks to Peter who is about the most thoughtful person who I have ever encountered!  Many thanks Peter!!

[Philip J. Hoffmann]

All, the point of the beginning of my post was to make it clear I understand it's your forum and you can do what you want. Obviously, I'm well aware no one (especially on the internet) has to change anything for me.

The point of the rest of the post wasn't for any apology, or that I'd thought you'd necessarily insult someone in person. It was more of a "for what's it worth, those kind of posts give me a bad impression." If you don't care about that, personally I think that's too bad, but that's your choice.

I guess I just don't see the point. Too bad for me I guess is the moral.

PS. I had posted this here because the topic is "when we cross the line in responding to questions," and I had also indicated I realized my post was not directly on point with the other topics being discussed.

[Steve Williams]

Rusty said

"Perhaps if you noted that some guitars are best left alone and just described the circumstances and budget you had and asked for some recommendations based on value for money and structural integrity  you may not feel so personally disappointed about our day to day discussion and banter on this exceptional forum

Great advice !    Please ask.

[Paul Verticchio]

Well, Hesh. I think you know where you stand with all of us.  Hope the altitude of Mt. Olympus doesn't leave you oxygen deprived :)

Having no other creative way to say, 'you're the best" (and that is sincere & heartfelt), maybe it's time to button up this thread.

I can see it now... 2& 1/2 years from now, Ron Frazier will bring it back from the dead and then we'll all have to wonder 'why" and roll our collective eyes. To quote the popular rural American humorist, Lawrence the Communications Service Tech, "I don't care what anybody says, that there is funny". ;)

Now I have to leave and comment on your Ovation post. That will be fun!!!!!  Have a SUPER week :)

[Hesh Breakstone]

Yeah you are right Paul, I can't take anymore of this...... ;)  As it is my head barely fits though the doorway....

Seriously though it's a privilege for me to participate here with all of you very fine folks AND another huge thanks for what a great bunch there is here on FRETS!!!