When We Cross The Line In Responding To Questions.....

[Hesh Breakstone]

My friends:  For some time now I have been increasingly aware that how I perceive... the responses that I receive from others when posting in threads has been trending negative in my humble opinion.  I might reply in a thread and these days it seems that I am increasingly succeeding, although this was never the goal for me, in offending others.

With this said the very first thing that I want to do is apologize to anyone and everyone who may have been offended by anything that I have posted.  My intent is and was to help all that I can but it seems that these days it may be me who is overstepping and not being as considerate of others as I would wish to be.

Funny thing about this is that of all people I should know better.  Early on I was on the other end of this when veteran pros would attempt to assist me on forums at times I took it personally and instead of focusing on the message, well intended as it may have been, I focused on the delivery....  As time passed my skin thickened up and I actually made it a point of personal growth to attempt to no longer take things so very personally.  Seems as if I may have gone too far to the other side and now may not be recognizing that I am just not the guy that I hope to be when I grow up..... 

I'm aware that I have no control over how my posts or assistance is perceived by others.  I'm also aware that folks at times will take things personally that were never intended this way, I know because I am very guilty of this myself....

But now I am believing that my own approach to others has been less than appropriate and as such I want to remedy this if at all possible.

Maybe too I am just getting old and grouchy not that the two have to go together.

Anyway I did always try to be helpful of others, rarely asked for anything for myself, and very much enjoyed and enjoy many of you.  I also have some real friends here who I would love to hang out with in person and talk shop.

So I am going to take a break for a while from posting.  Seems that I may be doing more harm than good and this was never my intention.  I love Lutherie and have spent nearly every waking hour for over a decade now studying different aspects of our trade.  As such it becomes difficult to not wish to discuss this stuff.

On the other hand the Hesh that I want to be when I grow up some day is a guy who has the ability to assist others, does so frequently, asks for nothing for myself, and most of all never offends anyone in the process.  Seems that I still have some work to do to meet my own criteria.

So my friends I'm still here just not going to post much if at all for a while.  I seem to have placed Lutherie before people, not good..... and I need to fix this or keep to myself.

Please keep on keeping on my friends you do a wonderful job of assisting others and remain the model in my view for how to pull this off in an non-offensive manner.

And again to some of the newer folks who have a hankering to enjoy the pursuit of Lutherie if I have offended you in any way please accept my sincere apology.  Please also know that I am very much an odd duck so-to-speak and as such the recognition, self recognition that I may have and or be the problem seems like some progress although perhaps a little late.

Take care

[Russell Vance]

Crikey Hesh,

If you think you of all people may have offended someone or been less than patient or polite, it looks like myself and a few of us older blokes are definitely for the chopping block!  

I always post with trepidation as I am but one and the readers are thousands - all from different cultures, socio economic groups and varying ages and (particularly with luthiers) having varying levels of mental stability and temperance. 

Also, time is money and consideration of all involved can take forever while we think about the effect of our sometimes less than eloquent or hastily chosen words. 

I could rattle on about how the modern forum and its span of experience and the degree of knowledge need to be imparted quickly is irrevocably stressing us all and that some flak and offence or hurt feelings is a permanent part of what we do.

This is particularly so as we are never face to face with those we seek to assist and will inevitable be taken the wrong way because we left out a comma, or a letter (dude) or just are plain different (California v New York sort of thing)

It is no bad thing that we develop a thick hide and as a (once) apprentice I now understand that the shellacking that my mentors heaped upon us was designed to toughen us up so we wouldn't quit when it got tough - we persevere and don't take stuff personally so we can do what we do.   Often enough this very toughness and frank and fearless opinion upsets the newbies but it's essential for their development and just as  importantly, how they deal with customers and clients who may be difficult and demanding.

This is heartfelt, Hesh - you have nothing to apologies for other than being kind and considerate and most knowledgeable. You are being too tough on yourself and it's distressing to see.

Take it easy,

Rusty.

[Hesh Breakstone]

You guys are fantastic!!!  Many thanks to you all!!!

I'm up to my elbows in an Alverez Yari stainless.... refret here but this evening I will give you all a proper reply.

Until then - many thanks my friends!

[Russell Kingery]

I am new to the group, and haven't read anything from you in the past. But I know a bit about what you are talking about. Where I used to work, I finally made management. And I had to send emails to people of higher office all the time, Vice Presidents, even the president of the company, so I had to be super careful what I wrote. And no matter how diplomatic I tried to be, or how many times I proof read my emails, there was always someone taking offense to what I had said! I learned over time to write in such a way that even when others did claim offense, they got no support, but my point is, you just cannot predict the frame of mind a person will have when they read what you have written. And if someone is insecure, they think everyone is picking at them, no matter what you say.

So bottom line, what you have to say on this group is VALUABLE! You are sharing your knowledge for free! Information others have paid dearly to possess. So please don't let a few insecure people deter you from doing your thing, feel good a out what you are doing! And if someone's feathers get ruffled, just give them some love and let it roll off your back. From the other responses I have read so far, it would seem that you are not a mean old grouch, and lots of people greatly appreciate what you have to say. As I said at the beginning, I am new to this group, and you are exactly the kind of people I was hoping to find! So hang in there, it seems a lot of us are counting on you!

[Frank Ford]

Well, I guess I'm the host here, but still I managed to be a little late to the party.

I haven't noticed what I'd call a trend or overall deterioration in the tone, quality or etiquette here lately myself.  Over the years we've had a few folks who simply didn't "get it" and had to be summarily dismissed from the group, and others who've needed a bit of reminding to play nicely, but all in all, we enjoy a convivial and supportive atmosphere, I think.

Every so often someone will send me a PM with a "heads up" about one issue or another, and I do try to respond quickly when appropriate.  I read and participate actively on a 8-10 forums (fora?) and I'm amazed at the level of off-topic garbage, innuendo and just plain vitriol that's tolerated on some of them.   The really messy ones are, not surprisingly, really big compared to this little place.

That said, Hesh, I (along with so many others) appreciate your presence here!

[Thomas James]

Frank, as an aside: I love the nuts & bolts basic layout here. No flashing avatars, giant signatures on every post bottom, or annoying over used emoticons!  Most of all your even handed hosting. Thanks.

[David Collins]

Since it's a Latin root, yes, "fora" would be etymologically correct. If it were Greek root things would be different (don't get me started on things like people who pluralize octopus as octopi).

[Russell Vance]

Nah, it's Italian:  as in "I wanta fora beers and some octo pie"..........and to further correct you, the Latin root is a yam and the Greek root is Badzaria (with Skordalia).

And thanks again for your outstanding Vids on the mysteries of Pots and tapers ......I have amazed my colleagues with my new found knowledge and obtained minor deity status.   Seriously David, my Mesa Royal Atlantic is a picture postcard of the linear taper reversing from clean to hi-gain channel - thanks v.much bloke, yr a gem.

Rusty.

[Robbie Collins]

David ... I enjoyed the videos too and would like to know more about your custom panel.

[Andy Rogers]

Hi
I am more active probably on some of the UK biased forums but add my support to all that has been said by the others, Hesh.
This forum stands out by the proportion of members who do this for a living and the GENUINE knowledge and experience of its members. Your input, Hesh, is firmly in this category.
The internet has two main problems: that a written 'instant' answer can easily be misinterpreted because the reader can't pick up the intonation of the reply. This is why the irritating but totally necessary smiley faces and lol s etc were introduced :-)
The second problem is that there are a very small percentage of people in the world who are very angry at EVERYTHING. The trouble is, a small percentage of zillions of people is a lot of permanently angry people...
Now...I am the nicest guy you will ever meet, but people have even got mad at ME!!!! And if I ever find them, I'll beat the **** out of the ***** *******!!!!
:-). ;-). Lol

Andy

[Ned Knepp]

Now...I am the nicest guy you will ever meet, but people have even got mad at ME!!!! And if I ever find them, I'll beat the **** out of the ***** *******!!!!

 Andy you are obviously a Creator of Chaos, a Troll for Trouble, the Apostle of Anarchy. a Scourge of Society, the Prophet of Profligancy and a Harbinger of Horrors....   

Oh... I see that I sort of missed a bit of your post there... the part where you said;

:-). ;-). Lol 

Never mind. 

[Andrew]

I agree with the rest here Hesh, you've judged yourself too harshly. Sometimes a break can be a good thing though, so if that's what you feel is right, more power to you. I do hope its not too long of a break though, your contributions are valuable. Perhaps dialing it back a little would be a solution? I go through phases like this and it seems to work okay (in other aspects of life as well).

[Steve Williams]

Hesh built the Black tiger !  How bad could he be ?  I've learned a lot from you Hesh.....I should probably mention that more often. It's easy to forget to say "thanks" sometimes. So, THANKS HESH !    (don't leave)