When We Cross The Line In Responding To Questions.....

[Hesh Breakstone]

My friends:  For some time now I have been increasingly aware that how I perceive... the responses that I receive from others when posting in threads has been trending negative in my humble opinion.  I might reply in a thread and these days it seems that I am increasingly succeeding, although this was never the goal for me, in offending others.

With this said the very first thing that I want to do is apologize to anyone and everyone who may have been offended by anything that I have posted.  My intent is and was to help all that I can but it seems that these days it may be me who is overstepping and not being as considerate of others as I would wish to be.

Funny thing about this is that of all people I should know better.  Early on I was on the other end of this when veteran pros would attempt to assist me on forums at times I took it personally and instead of focusing on the message, well intended as it may have been, I focused on the delivery....  As time passed my skin thickened up and I actually made it a point of personal growth to attempt to no longer take things so very personally.  Seems as if I may have gone too far to the other side and now may not be recognizing that I am just not the guy that I hope to be when I grow up..... 

I'm aware that I have no control over how my posts or assistance is perceived by others.  I'm also aware that folks at times will take things personally that were never intended this way, I know because I am very guilty of this myself....

But now I am believing that my own approach to others has been less than appropriate and as such I want to remedy this if at all possible.

Maybe too I am just getting old and grouchy not that the two have to go together.

Anyway I did always try to be helpful of others, rarely asked for anything for myself, and very much enjoyed and enjoy many of you.  I also have some real friends here who I would love to hang out with in person and talk shop.

So I am going to take a break for a while from posting.  Seems that I may be doing more harm than good and this was never my intention.  I love Lutherie and have spent nearly every waking hour for over a decade now studying different aspects of our trade.  As such it becomes difficult to not wish to discuss this stuff.

On the other hand the Hesh that I want to be when I grow up some day is a guy who has the ability to assist others, does so frequently, asks for nothing for myself, and most of all never offends anyone in the process.  Seems that I still have some work to do to meet my own criteria.

So my friends I'm still here just not going to post much if at all for a while.  I seem to have placed Lutherie before people, not good..... and I need to fix this or keep to myself.

Please keep on keeping on my friends you do a wonderful job of assisting others and remain the model in my view for how to pull this off in an non-offensive manner.

And again to some of the newer folks who have a hankering to enjoy the pursuit of Lutherie if I have offended you in any way please accept my sincere apology.  Please also know that I am very much an odd duck so-to-speak and as such the recognition, self recognition that I may have and or be the problem seems like some progress although perhaps a little late.

Take care

[Jelle van Tilburg]

Jeesh Hesh, 

Just to give a quick response.

I personally never experienced any of your posts as offending. (but that's probably a personal thing, thickness of skin, ego etc). And the ever present risk of misinterpretation/ misunderstanding because you're leaving a post and there's no real contact/communication

I've always appreciated your input and experience in your elaborate posts.

You are probably your own best judge (whether to stay out of posting for a while). But don't be gone too long :)

Good luck

[David Farmer]

Hesh,

Your enthusiasm is infectious.

your one of the most generous folks on these forums.

We all get drawn into responses we wish we could later change. whether it's with spouses, friends, or people on the other side of these stinkin' machines.

Welcome to the human race.

No reason to throw in the towel.

I like hearing your voice.

sincerely,

Dave

 

[George Roberts]

Hesh,

I have yet to read one of your posts that wasn't friendly, courteous, informative, and helpful.

You are one of the mayor assets of this forum.  Hope you'll reconsider, my friend.

George

[Thomas James]

I think you should reconsider. Continue Mission... quitting should not be an option. You are needed.

Everything was going well until about 1:13

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0lCPmaq960E

[David Collins]

I was a bit disturbed, until I noticed they traded the Gibson for a stunt catalog guitar before the toss.

[Kerry Krishna]

 Hesh, I am totally surprised by this post. Have you received a nasty private note from someone?  I have to add my voice here that your responses here are always courteous, well thought out, and non-offensive. We need you posting here as much as before. Please don't stop.   

[Jeff Highland]

Come back Hesh, I certainly appreciate your input.

[Ned Knepp]

You can't stop posting, Hesh, if you do Peter and I will be the only long winded poster left and it might become noticeable! 

 Really, I haven't noticed that your posting has taken a turn. The realities of communication in this format are that misunderstandings are easy to generate. We don't see facial expressions or body language, we can't hear inflection or timing. It's so much more casual and immediate than letter writing that we sometimes don't mentally (or physically) edit what we post so the ability to write and "hit send" means that it's very easy to have poster's remorse.  In your case, I don't think that there is much reason for you to feel remorse or concern over being offensive.

 I often worry that I'm being offensive when I don't intend to be but I figure that as long as I'm trying my best it will have to be enough.  I don't believe that anyone can, realistically, ask for more than that. If someone has a problem with me, I'm open to hearing them. I can't do much more than that and still have a presence here and I want to have a presence here. I've found that "benefit of the doubt" goes a long way on a forum even though there are times when things can't be left. In this case, I don't believe there is any to doubt. 

My honest opinion is that withholding your posting is more likely to cause more damage than anything you believe you have done up to now.  You have helped others hundreds of times on the forum and, in my opinion, have proven to be one of the greater influences in the way this forum has evolved.  I suggest that the simple fact that your  influence has been so positive and you have been so free with your help, outweighs any damage you may have inadvertently caused. I believe you have a right to take pride in your investment here.

In the end, I think that intent is one of the most important factors in forum communications. It's so easy to accidentally offend someone on a forum when intent is so hard to gauge but as we get to know each other better over time, it is possible to learn to gauge intent and as long as your intention is "no damage", any offense can be worked out. It become possible for us to avoid or ignore perceived slights and offenses with the sure knowledge that it was unintended.  I believe that you, my friend, have long ago proven your good intentions so I'll say to you, right now, that I forgive you for any and all offensive, damaging, hard hearted, psyche crushing, emotion ripping, will rending comments you may have sent my way or intend to send my way in the future. 

I think that just about covers it all.

Post-on Dud! 

[Michael Hammond]

Heshie, I guess you're a dud!

I cracked up when I read that....

Mikey

[Ned Knepp]

...e.  (would you believe; a transmission error due to lag?)

I really gota learn to check my posts.  I didn't even notice! On well, at least I didn't call  him doody.

[Paul Verticchio]

You're just taking a bit of a break? You're not catching the first starship to Zeta Luthierus, are ya?

All the pressure is off until you feel i-loquacious again, our DEAR friend.

All my best, buddy :)

[William F.Eden]

My God Hesh were did all this come from. I have never seen anywere you have come across that way. I think you have been a very polite contributor to this wonderfull Form .You have gave so much of your time and experience. You must be going through a mid life crisis or something. Just sit down and have a good shot of that Michgan Rum and carry on  my Friend. Bill............